This article was written by my former client, Tony V. Enjoy.
Most dating gurus advocate handling your approach anxiety and inner game by working on your outer game first. Dan Silverman refers to this as the "Outside-In Approach." Gurus state that confidence will come by developing high competency in approaching women. Once you've done it so many times and developed that skill set, you will be confident in your ability to do so. While they are not wrong and it is equally important to develop a skill set, this alone doesn't build long-term consistent confidence. These same gurus also state that their approach anxiety never goes away and they feel it every single time they approach. They advise to just live with it. So if your fears never go away, but you just learn to cope with them, how can you call this true confidence? In reality, they aren't dealing at all with their inner game. They are just developing a more solid and convincing cover to mask their issues with. Going back to the analogy of the daredevil in my previous article, Inner Game: What is it? Part 1, if that daredevil were to jump that bus successfully 98 times, and on the 99th time he screws up, misses, and hurts himself, where would his confidence be when he went to do that jump again? Even if he's jumped that bus 98 times, all it can take is one potential failure to make him doubt himself and question his abilities. The same applies for meeting women. All it can take is one bad night out, one bad attitude, or worse, one relationship gone sour to completely shake much of that inner game confidence you built if you don't have your inner game handled, and undo weeks or even months of work on yourself. This is the key reason why developing solid inner game is just as important as developing a dating skill set. A person with solid inner game doesn't let failures or situations out of his control affect his personal mindset and emotional state. A person with solid inner game retains his self-confidence no matter what life throws at him. Many of these same dating gurus state that they start over every night from scratch as far as their approach anxiety goes, unless they're already bringing girls with them, and that this is a perfectly normal thing. This is superficial confidence, not the real deal. If you don't believe me, just ask any guy you know who's been really good with women from a young age; a "natural" as they call them. Naturals don't know what it is to fear approaching women. I've tried to explain the concept of “approach anxiety to my natural friends and they've all pretty much given me the same reaction. They stare blankly as if they have no idea what I'm talking about. This is because a natural has had so many positive reactions and experiences with women that by this point, when he gets rejected, it is not even within his realm of comprehension that it is somehow his fault. It's never his fault. It's hers. "She just doesn't know what she's missing out on." They have this belief deeply internalized. They don't even think about it. They automatically dismiss all negative experiences and only accept the positive ones as affirmations of their skill. That should be the goal of every guy. That is solid inner game and true confidence. If you're ready to begin to develop a healthy inner game, I highly recommend Dan Silverman's dating coaching services.
Yours in Revolution,
Tony V.(Former Client of Dan Silverman)
