Sometimes you just don't feel like going out, or maybe most the time you feel this way, but you know you have to in order to overcome shyness. Force yourself to go out. This paralyzing feeling is associated with years of negative conditioning. You may have spent your entire life feeling anxious as a reaction to going out and having bad experiences when you met new people. Much of what you fear is created in your head. You care way too much of how others see you and you can about getting rejected. You won't be able to fix this feeling in only one night, but you can begin overcoming shyness right away. It may take a couple months of repetition and some rewiring of your thought process to finish overcoming shyness. When you are out and you feel that pain in the pit of your stomach from anxiety, there are a few ways to combat this:
Throwaways - You can walk up to a group and intentionally try to get rejected, but in a way that is fun for you. You are taking the very thing you fear and turning it into a game. This helps to relieve tension and show yourself that you can't take life so seriously. Here are some throwaways I used when overcoming shyness: Hey, I'm looking for a girlfriend and I can't find one. Would you like to fill in for the position? Hello, I'm out to pick up hot girls, do you know where they are? Hey, my grandmother is staying in town this weekend, but she's allergic to my cats. Can she stay with you?
Warm Up Approaches - Warm up approaches are similar to throwaways, but the objective is simply to get in a chatty mood and comfortable approaching strangers. After about three to five warm up approaches, you will feel significantly more relaxed. Common warm up approaches are: Hey, how do I get to (name of a place). Hey quick question, do you think this shirt looks good on me? Or just ask an opinion about anything. You can leave as soon as you get an answer or keep chatting for as long as you want. The objective is to get chatty and comfortable approaching. Practicing this on a daily basis will significantly increase the speed at which you will be overcoming shyness.
Primers - I call this technique priming. Sometimes you are so paralyzed with social anxiety that you can't even ask for directions. Priming is pumping yourself up to make your first approach. For example, if you are out with a friend, shove him as hard as you can. Then let him shove you even harder. Keep shoving each other until you feel that rush of aggressive energy. Then grunt and roar loudly, even if there are other people around. Most people don't care anyway. This is extremely effective, especially if you are feeling so shy that you can't even do throwaways or warm up approaches. If you're by yourself, jump up and down take deep breaths, and act like you're a boxer about to get into the ring. You see how they warm themselves up? Do the same thing. Overcoming shyness can be extremely difficult without the help of a
dating coach. Consider working with me and I will take you out to social places to get you over your fears.
Your Matchmaker and Dating Coach,
Dan Silverman
