There she is sitting by the bar with two of her friends. She's gorgeous. You really want to approach her and try to get her number. You've been doing so much reading and studying material on how to open and build attraction. You have the perfect thing to say. A few seconds after you notice her, you start feeling an extreme anxiety to approach. The intense fear washes over your whole body. You feel anxiety so powerfully that you decide not to approach her. Moments later, she walks off with her friends never to be seen again. Has this ever happened to you? If it has, you experienced approach anxiety. It's a very common occurrence for men, especially when they don't approach women often. Here are some ways of handling approach anxiety so you won't miss more opportunities.
Get Chatty -- If you spent the last fifteen minutes not saying a word or talking about work, it's going to be a lot harder to approach a woman when you are in that mindset. When you talk to women, you have to be in a fun, chatty, and emotional mood. Make it easier to approach women by getting yourself in that mood first. If you're with friends, playfully talk about irrational subjects. Ask your buddy if he likes puppies or pink aliens better. Ask him if he'd rather have all the money in the world, or invincibility. Tell him why you'd rather be a Persian prince rather than a Mongolian warlord. These types of topics have no logic or relevance to them and are great at getting you in a chatty improvisational state. If you're alone, call someone on the phone, or talk to someone who you aren't afraid of opening like a bar tender or a bored security guard.
Warm Ups -- You're inside of your head thinking too much. Stop it! You don't have to only approach women you are interested in. Warm yourself up by opening the bouncer, bartender, guys, old ladies, etc. Ask for their opinion about why girls dress in skimpy outfits and get upset about how guys stare at them. Just say, "Hi, how are you?" and then leave. You don't need to stay in a forty minute conversation. The purpose of warm-ups is to get you comfortable approaching strangers.
Throwaways -- Throwaways are openers designed to get you rejected. You're inside of your head because you care too much about what others think of you. Open with the intent of getting rejected for fun. Approach women asking them where a good place to pick up women is and if they want to join you. Tell them that your grandmother is coming in town and ask if she can stay with them. You'll be surprised that most of the time you won't get rejected. As long as you're playful, they will likely laugh hysterically and want you to stay talking to them. The reason for this is because only a confident guy would approach like that, not caring at all what people think of him. If you're looking to permanently get rid of your approach anxiety, consider signing up for
in-field dating coaching.
Your Matchmaker and Dating Coach,
Dan Silverman
