Have you ever gone through a process where you are seeing a guy, but for some reason, he stops calling or doesnu2019t put anymore effort into progressing things with you?
u00a0You wonder why men stop calling you. This is actually quite common.u00a0I hear many women complain to me, u201cDan, I donu2019t like to give out my number because guys stop calling me back after a couple phone calls. I donu2019t get why men stop calling me.u201du00a0
Another complaint they tell me is that, u201cI donu2019t know why men stop calling, but out of nowhere he just doesnu2019t seem interested in me anymore. He doesnu2019t try to call me or ask me out.u201d This is a common problem among women in our culture. Society says it is up to the man to put all the effort into progressing a relationship. We are told that the man is the one that should make all the moves like hand holding, calling, asking you out, and initiating kissing.u00a0While it is necessary for men to do most of the first moves, this doesnu2019t mean the woman must always take the passive seat in the relationship. It is important for a man to feel like he is getting somewhere with the woman he desires.u00a0u00a0
When you make a move, you are rewarding a manu2019s efforts by showing him that his efforts are winning you over.u00a0In psychology, this is called positive reinforcement. If you donu2019t call a man once in awhile on your own, or suggest a meet up once in awhile, you will make him feel like you are uninterested. Guys donu2019t want their ego bruised, and if you donu2019t reinforce them to keep pursuing you, they feel like you donu2019t like them. That hurts us. So by playing hard to get all the time, youu2019re actually punishing us for chasing you, which is not what you want to do.u00a0
This is why men stop calling you. Reward his desirable behaviors.u00a0When a man calls you and tells you something really sweet that makes your day, let him know.u00a0But donu2019t just say it, act on it.u00a0Give him a head scratch the next time you see him and tell him itu2019s because he made your day.u00a0If you want him to keep calling you, give him a call once in awhile to let him know you enjoy his phone calls so that he feels you are truly interested. The biggest complaint men make about women is they lack making any effort to show appreciation. If you do this, you will stand out in a big way from the rest of women.
u00a0A man needs to know you are still interested in him and appreciated just as much as you need to know that you are still desired. The reason why men stop calling is because they donu2019t feel this from you. I can remember seeing this girl who was wonderful when we went out together for the first time. After the first night though, she started behaving, to my perception, rudely and negatively. She wouldnu2019t return my phone calls days later or not at all.u00a0She wouldnu2019t commit to hanging out.u00a0Finally, I got fed up and stopped calling her.u00a0I figured she wasnu2019t interested in me anymore so I decided to move on to other women.
u00a0A few weeks later, I got a call from her saying she was upset and she asked me why I didnu2019t call her anymore. Here's another personal example! In my salsa parties, I dance with many different girls.u00a0The ones that I dance with are the ones that give me huge smiles when I walk up to them and the ones that tell me how much they love dancing with me. Of course Iu2019m going to want to dance with those women.u00a0
They make me feel great every time I dance with them. However, it never stops surprising me when a girl who never makes eye contact with me when I dance with her, doesnu2019t smile, acts aloof, shows no interest, or ever asks me to dance with her, walks up to me upset, or sends me a Facebook message later saying, u201cWhy donu2019t you ever ask me to dance?u201d Ladies, donu2019t be afraid to be proactive.u00a0
Men arenu2019t as intuitive as you.u00a0We arenu2019t mind readers. When you react noncommittal or aloof, weu2019ll think youu2019re snobby or simply that you donu2019t like us. This is why men stop calling or pursuing you.u00a0A manu2019s ego is sensitive.u00a0He usually wonu2019t work for a woman who he thinks doesnu2019t like him.u00a0
u00a0
u00a0
Your Matchmaker and Dating Coach,
Dan Silverman
