If you have read The Rules, this article is especially for you. Intuitively, you understand that men need challenge in their lives, and the harder they work to get you, the more they value you. So your whole life, you've been told that playing hard to get with a man is the key to attracting him. Making a man invest emotionally in you is important true, but be careful. This concept can be taken too far. Way too many women say, “I don't call guys, I don't accept Saturday dates past Wednesday, and I don't have sex until I'm in a relationship. When a man hears any one of these playing hard to get with a man phrases coming from a woman's mouth, he never says, I'd love to have a woman like that in my life. Those statements automatically turn guys off. We lose respect for you because we know you're playing games. We know you're playing with us and not being genuine. In our minds, you're just a typical game playing woman that we constantly meet. You're not being any different than the last woman we tried to relate to. Playing hard to get with a man or being a challenge is great for guys, but when taken too far, you set off what I call his conquering instincts. If a man has to work extremely hard to get you, the process of the relationship is no longer enjoyable, but is now just an obstacle to overcome and conquer and even worse, he may stop being that attractive man you once liked and become your new obsessed stalker. That's the problem with "The Rules". It only works on insecure men who don't have choice in other women. Trust me on this one. If you're playing hard to get with a man this excessively with a quality guy in the early stages, he won't be waiting by the phone, he'll be dating other women! You may say, Well, I don't want to date a guy who's a player. But think about it. A high quality guy will naturally attract women, and if he's sexual, healthy, and masculine, he will usually go on dates with multiple women until he finds one that makes him feel amazing. I know, it doesn't make you feel special, but this is reality, and this is what men do. Guys have to date multiple women when he's single because the majority of women play head games and play hard to get with a man too much. Don't let your own insecurity get in the way of snagging a great guy. On the other extreme, many women are way too available and come across as easy or even desperate. They don't play hard to get with a man at all! It's important to give a man the gift of missing you. Don't call him the day after a date that lasted all day. If you have sex with him, don't call him for a few days so he wonders about you. Give him time to think about it. Calling too much and trying to make plans all the time makes a man feel tied down. The ultimate fear for a man is that he is losing his freedom, which is just as strong as your fear of being perceived as slutty or feeling abandoned. Men thrive on freedom. Think about the movie Braveheart, which is many men's favorite movie. Give him space and let him come back to chase you a little bit. There must be a healthy balance of push and pull in a relationship. Both parties need to do work, chase, and provide a balance of challenge and reward for the other. If one person has too much power in a relationship, that simply kills the relationship. This process also doesn't end after a true relationship begins. Many relationships suffer a lack of chemistry after the in love stage finally passes by because this power shift occurs. The key to building back the chemistry is to continue this push and pull process. Some people may see this as game playing and manipulative behavior, and it can be when taken to an extreme, but it can also be a very enjoyable and rewarding process if done properly. To learn more specifics about applying this push and pull concept or any other dating and relationship advice, hire me as your personal dating coach and let's talk on the phone.
Your Dating Coach and matchmaker,
Dan Silverman
