Yes, deep down inside, we all know nice guys finish last. The good news is that you don't have to be a complete asshole to be successful with women either. It is possible to be nice to women, without gaining the nice guy label. Here are a few simple rules to follow: Avoid doing anything that appears to supplicate to her. For example, don't show up to a first date with flowers or do something where you are obviously trying to impress her. Avoid saying things like, "Can I take you out on a date sometime?" This is something "nice guys" do and say to women. Imagine what it's like to be a woman hearing that. Women don't take what you say as having merit. They meticulously interpret every underlying meaning of your words. When she hears you say, "Can I," you are asking permission to be in her presence. Then you say, "take you out," now she hears you asking her permission to offer her a bribe for her attention. Yes, this is an extreme interpretation, but really think about this for a moment. The next phrase of going, "on a date sometime?" A date? Whoa, slow down there. Do you know what a date implies? It means she's already won you over, she hardly knows you, and hardly had to work to win you over. Dates imply a relationship proposition. That puts too much pressure on her. When you say date, now she has to think, "Is this guy relationship material?" And considering she probably doesn't know much about you, she most likely will reconsider. Instead of sub-communicating nice-guyness, try communicating a little differently. "Hey, I've got some free time this week. I'll pencil you in for a quick lunch if you promise me you'll make me laugh." Here is another good example of a useful line: "Hey, I'm going to coconut grove tomorrow with a bunch of my friends, you should come tag along." See how it doesn't sound like you are supplicative? It communicates all the right things. You're not being an asshole and your date requests put much less pressure on a woman. Now, I don't want to advocate never giving flowers, taking women out on dates, and being thoughtful. Do these things for women after they have taken the time to win you over. The more someone works for you, the more they will value you. Only the special ladies deserve the real, royal treatment from you. Save these things until after the courtship phase has taken place and you decide she is right for you to keep around longer than a fling. Are you having trouble right now with your dates? Sign up for an initial dating coaching session today.
Dan Silverman,
The Miami Matchmaker and Dating Coach
